635 




DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List off Succassfful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, 2}4 hrs (35c) 8 8 

Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 15 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1% 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(35c) 4 4 

All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 

214 hrs (35c) 6 10 

And Home Came Ted, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (50c) 6 6 

Arizona Cowboy, 4 acts, 2J4 

hrs (3Sc) 7 5 

Assisted by Sadie, 4 acts, 214 

hrs (50c) 6 6 

As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (35c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 2% hrs (35c) 6 14 

Black Heifer. 3 acts, 2 hrs, 

(25c) 9 3 

Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 

(25c) 17 

Boy Scouts' Good Turn, 3 acts, 

IM hrs (25c) 16 2 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2}4 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Tosiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2% h, (25c) 7 4 
Call of the Colors, 2 acts, l^^ 

hrs (2Sc) 4 10 

Call of Wohelo, 3 acts, 1^ 

hrs (25c) 10 

Camouflage of Shirley, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (35c) 8 10 

Civil Service, 3 acts, 2 14 hrs. 

(35c) 6 5 

College Town, 3 acts, 2^ 

hrs (35c) 9 8 

Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 2V4 hrs. 

(35c) 5 5 

Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(35c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2'/4 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2'A hrs (35c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr....(25c) 10 
Enchanted Wood, 1^ h.(35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts. 1^ h. (25c) 7 6 
Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

For the I.ove of Johnny. 3 

acts, 2'A hrs (50c) 6 3 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

1% hrs (25c) 9 14 

Gettin' Acquainted, 25 min. 

(35c) 1 2 

Her Honor, the Mavor, 3 acts. 

2 hrs (35c) 3 5 



M. F. 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25012 

Indian Days. 1 hr (50c) 5 2 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2% 

hrs (25c) 6 4 

Jayville Junction, H/^ hrs.(25c)14 17 
Kicked Out of College, 3 act.s, 

2Vi hrs (35c) 10 9 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 - 

acts, 214 hrs (35c) 6 12 

Laughing Cure, 2 acts, 1)4 hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Lighthouse Nan, 3 acts, 2li 

hrs (35c) 5 4 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2% hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Little Clodhopper, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (35c) 3 4 

Mirandy's Minstrels. ... (25c) (Dptnl. 
Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 

acts, 2% hrs (35c) 4 7 

My Irish Rose, 3 acts, 2]/^ hrs. 

(35c) 6 6 

Old Maid's Club, 1 ^4 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

1^ hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

2% hrs (25c) 10 4 

Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (35c) 4 4 

Prairie Rose. 4 acts, 2'/^h.(35c) 7 4 
Real Thing After All, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (35c) 7 9 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts. 2^ 

hrs (35c) 10 12 

Ruth in a Rush, 3 acts, 2]4 

hrs (35c) 5 7 

Safety First, 3 acts, 

21^ hrs (35c) 5 5 

Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Spark of Life, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 4 4 

Spell of the Image, 3 acts, 2V2 

hrs (35c) 10 10 

Star Bright, 3 acts, 2«/2 h. (35c) 6 5 
Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs. (25c) 6 4 

Thread of Destiny, 3 acts. 2J^ 

hrs (35c) 9 16 

Tonv, the Convict, 5 acts. 2^/^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2l4 hrs. 

(35c) 6 18 

Trip to Storyiand, I A hrs. (25c) 17 23 
I'ncle Josh. 4 acts, 2]4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

When Smith Stepped Out, 3 

acts, 2 hrs (50c) 4 4 

Whose T^ittle Bride Are Yon :> 

3 acts, 25^ hrs (50c) 5 5 

■Winning Widow, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 

(25c) 2 4 



T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,PubiishersJS4W.RandolphSt.. Chicago 



-=^ 



THE 

HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 

A FARCE IN ONE SCENE 



BY 

CHESTER A. GRIFFIN 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



THE HIGKSVILLE BUNGIIeR 

CHARACTERS. 

Editor Of the Hicksvillc Bungler 

Pete 'Fhe Offiee Boy 

Hiram Doolittle \ Farmer 

Officer Ketcham I'llhuje Chief of Police 

Mr. Simmons Who Stutters 

Schwartz .i Dutch Expressman 

FiNKELSTEix / Hebrcic Tailor 

Editor's Wife IVith a Mind of Her Own 

Angelina MacMush Ulw Thinks She's a Poet 

Priscilla Nosev TJie I 'ilhuje Gossip 

The farce serves as a frame on which to hang innu- 
merable local hits. Local names and applications should 
be used wherever possible. Do not hurry the piece but give 
plenty of time for jokes to "get over," and for the audience 
to be thoroughly quiet before proceeding. 

Place — A Small Town. 

Time — The Present. 

Time of Playing — About Thirty-fire Minutes. 

COSTUMES. 

Strictly modern. Cast as given above will serve to sug- 
gest costumes, which may be as simple or elaborate as de- 
sired. Character make-ups for some of the characters will, 
of course, add much to the piece. 

STAGE SETTING AND DIRECTIONS. 

A simple office setting is all that is necessary. A desk 
covered with a litter of paper, a wastebasket, one or two 
chairs, with some second-hand auction bills hung on the 
walls, or anything to suggest a country newspaper office. 

R. means right of stage ; C, center ; R. C, right center ; 
L., left; up stage, away from footlights; down stage, near 
footlights. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 

COPYRIGHT. 1920, BY CHESTER A. GRIFFIN. 

2 

0)C1.D 54088 



JUL 10 1925^' 



THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 



Scene: The office of the Hicksville Bungler. Doors R. 
and L. A Utter of papers covers the Editor's desk. Editor 
sound asleep and snoring deeply, his feet on desk. 

Commotion heard off stage L. and Pete enters, rubbing 
his face shamefacedly. Editor azuakes suddenly at sound 
of commotion. 

Editor. Hello, Pete ! A\'hat's that rumpus all about ? 

Pete. Nutt'n. Just tried to steal a kiss from the type 
setter, 'n she slapped my face. {Rubbing his cheek.) Some 
slap, too, believe me ! 

Editor. AA^U, how many kisses did you succeed in get- 
ting before the referee called for a breakaway. 

Pete. Just one — and that was enough, too. 

Editor. \A>11, it's all right this time, but don't let it hap- 
pen again. \\'e can't bother to start the press around this 
plant for a single impression. Remember that. (Pete 
starts to go.) Wait a minute! We haven't had any visitors 
this morning, have we? 

Pete. Nobody but some woman who's trying to earn a 
talking machine getting up a club for the Fireside Com- 
panion. She wanted your subscription. 

Editor. Subscription ! Gosh, that's what we need our- 
selves, 'most as bad as we do news. I thought when we ad- 
vertised to swap subscriptions for news items, we'd be 
swamped, but it doesn't seem to look that way, after all. 
Guess there isn't anything happening in this burg, or if there 
is, folks want it kept quiet, like — well, like Ike \\'illiams' 
engagement to the Widow Brown, 

Pete {looking off R.). Hello, here's someone coming 
now. It's an old geezer with a bunch of spinach blowing 
in the breeze. Guess he means biz, too ; he's hitting the 
high spots only in getting over the ground, anyway. 

Editor. Well, you can beat it back to the press room, 
and remember, leave that girl alone. 

3 



4 THE HICKSVILLE BUXGLER 

Pete. You bctcha ! I'll act like a Ijashful man at a parly 
where they ain't playing anything but post office. {Opens 
door R. to admit Hiram. j Come right in, Father Noah. 

Pete exits R., dodging a hloi<' that Hiram aims at him 
as he enters. 

Hiram. Be this the office of the Hicksville Bungler? 

Editor. It be, my friend. 

Hiram. And be you the chap that runs the shebang? 

Editor. Guilty again, as charged in the indictment. W'ha: 
can we do you for? A subscription? 

Hiram. Don't ye get flip, ye young squirt. No, by heck ! 
I wouldn't take your old paper if you was giving it away 
with a hundred-acre wood lot thrown in, durn ye ! 

Editor. It would appear from the street that you were 
not in perfect accord with our editorial policy. 

Hiram. I don't know anything about your policies. I ain't 
talking about insurance, but about the consarned mistakes 
you been making in your old paper. 

Editor. Mistakes? To what mistakes do you refer, Mr. 
— er — 

Hiram. Hiram Doolittle of Flaghole Deestrick, by heck! 
Why, to lots of mistakes. Looky here! (Drazvs paper 
from pocket, searches for place and points out item.) 
Here's that item about my w^edding last week : "The wed- 
ding breakfast, served by John Fcedem, was a very swill 
affair." .V S7cill affair! \Miat kind of an insult do you call 
that, hey ? 

Editor. Oh, I see! One of our "i's" got into the **e" 
box, that's all. 

Hiram. Well, you'd better keep your eyes out of the 
**e" box and in your head, where they belong. And here's 
another. (Reads.) "Our esteemed fellow citizen. Junius P. 
Good, is suffering from a sprained ankle, sustained while 
jumping on his cat." "Jumping on his cat !" That's a 
pretty way to be talking about the deacon, ain't it? 

Editor. Oh, that should say "his car" — meaning his 
auto. That's just another typographical error, that's all. 

Hiram. That's right, try to lay everything on your poor 



THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 5 

typewriter. I suppose she's to blame for everything, ain't 
she? 

Editor. Oh, no, Mr. DooHttle, not at all. You see, mis- 
takes zvill happen on the best regulated newspapers — even 
one like the Boston News, for instance. Have a cigar, 
Mr. Doolittle. (Takes box from desk and offers to Hiram, 
who takes and pockets a handful.) But the papers serve 
a useful purpose after all, don't they? 

Hiram. That's so, by heck! Even a paper of pins will 
give you points. 

Editor. That's so. By the way, Mr. Doolittle, didn't 
you intimate that you had recently entered the holy bonds 
of matrimony? 

Hiram. Yes, I guess you might call it that, all right. 

Editor. Are you just back from your honeymoon? 

Hiram. Yes, just got back three days ago. We went 
to Bosting. 

Editor. You had an enjoyable trip, I hope. 

Hiram. Waal, yes, we did and we didn't. Them city 
sharpers is sharp, all right. 

Editor. How so? 

Hiram. Waal, they had a sign in our room, ''Don't 
blow out the gas," and then they charged me extra because 
I burned it all night. 

Editor. Gas? I thought all the Boston hotels had elec- 
tric lights nowadays. 

Hiram. This one had three kinds of lights. 

Editor. Three ? 

Hiram. Yes, they had gaslight in the bedrooms, and 
electric light in the eating room, and an Israelite in the 
office. 

Editor. I trust you secured a comfortable room. 

Hiram. Yes, I says to the clerk, *T want the best room 
in the house for me and my wife." He says, "Suite?" I 
says, "Yes, sir, she is, but it ain't any of your business." 

Editor. Well well ; how about the feed they gave you ? 
Was that all right ? 

Hiram. Yes, mostly. They had some durned funny 



6 THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 

looking cheese on the table, though. Waiter said it was 
called Swiss cheese. 

Editor. Yes, I know. All full of holes, wasn't it? 

Hiram. Yes, and it's just as well it was. I reckon it 
needed all the air it could get. 

Editor. Well, tell me about your wedding, Mr. Doolit- 
tle. How long had you known Mrs. Doolittle? 

Hiram. Oh, quite a while. Long enough to know bet- 
ter, I reckon. 

Editor. Well, I would have gotten married sooner if I 
only had had the courage to propose. Did you get on your 
knees when you popped the question ? 

Hiram. Waal, no. You see, Cynthy was on 'cm at the 
time. 

Editor. You had a big wedding, didn't you? 

Hiram. Yes, I reckon we did. 

Editor. Who gave the bride away? 

Hiram. Her little brother. The minute the minister 
finished the job, he hollers, ''Hurrah, folks, sis has got him 
.It last!" 

Editor. And then I suppose everybody kissed the bride. 

Hiram. All but the parson. He says, "At this time it 
is customary for the pastor to kiss the bride, but in this 
case we will omit the formality." I got back at him, though. 

Editor. How w^as that? 

Hiram. A little later I says, "At this time it is cus- 
tomary for the groom to hand the minister a five-dollar 
bill, but in this case we will omit the formality." 

Editor. WqW, I trust you have both been quite well 
since your return home. 

Hiram. Yes, mostly. Cynthy warn't feeling just right, 
and I had the doctor come in. She's some talker, Cynthy 
is, and she kept it up most of the time the doctor was there. 
He started to mix some medicine and she says, "Doctor, 
you didn't look at my tongue." 

Editor. That was an oversight, surely. \\'hat did the 
doctor say? 



THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 7 

Hiram. Said there warn't no need of it — grass never 
grew on a race course. 

Editor. And what did the doctor say was the matter 
with Mrs. DooHttle? 

Hiram. Said she needed a change of air. I fixed that 
up in a jiffy, though. 

Editor. That so ? What did you do ? 

Hiram. Bought her an electric fan. 

Editor. By the way, Mr. DooHttle, do you hear very 
often from your brother Cy? 

Hiram. Yes, got a letter from him last Saturday. 

Editor. A good long one? 

Hiram. No, 'twere a mighty short one. Cy was, too. 
That's w^hy he wrote. 

Editor. Well, Mr. DooHttle, your visit is proving rather 
newsy, I'm sure. Have you any more items we can use 
in the Bungler? 

Hiram. Let's see. Oh, yes! Zeb Hodgdon and his wife 
have named their little boy "Flannel." 

Editor. Named the baby "Flannel" ? What on earth 
did they give it such an outlandish name for? 

Hiram. Because it shrinks from washing. 

Editor. W^ell, Mr. DooHttle, I'm mighty glad you 
dropped in. We shall be glad to place your name on the 
list for a six months' subscription. (Hiram exits R.) 

Pete presently enters R. zcith Officer Ketch am. Pete 
gives salute, turns sharply and exits R. 

Editor. Why, good morning, Chief. Glad to see you. 
Anything new in your line ? 

Ketcham. Yes, a little. Did you hear that burglars 
broke into Ezra Little's house last night? 

Editor. No, not really? 

Ketcham. Yes, sure thing. Mis' Little heard a noise 
in the night, and got up, and there was a man's legs stick- 
ing out from under the bed. 

Editor. Ah, the burglar ! 

Ketcham. No, Ezra. You see, he'd heard the noise, 
too. Mis' Little hauled him out and told Ezra that there 



8 THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 

was burglars in the house — she could hear them eating 
up everything in the pantry. 

Editor. And I suppose they went down and caught 
them right in the act — or rather in the pantry? 

Ketch AM. No, not exactly. Ezra heard what she said 
about their eating up everything in the house, and he says, 
"Well, you don't care so long as they don't die in the house, 
do you?" But look here! {Drazi's paper from pocket, nn- 
folds and reads.) What do you mean by this item in last 
week's Bungler? {Reads.) "Our efficient night officer, 
Lemuel II. Tomkins, having decided to devote his entire 
time to agriculture, he will not seek a reappointment as 
night police." 

Editor. Well, that's all right, certainly. I had the in- 
formation from Lem himself. 

Ketcham. Well, that's no reason why you had to run 
it under "Public Improvements," is it? 

Editor. I suppose not — from Lem's standpoint, anyway. 
Any other news? 

Ketcham. Yes. Fellow got arrested for burglary yes- 
terday, up to Higginsville. Got Squire Cheatem for a law- 
yer. Guess he was guilty all right, but all they found on 
him was a w^atch without any works in it. 

Editor. Well, how did he come out? 

Ketcham. Oh, the Squire took the case. (Pause.) The 
Squire's bought a new alarm clock, they tell me. 

Editor. How enterprising! Doesn't want to be late 
to the office mornings, does he? 

Ketcham. No, that ain't it. He wants the clock to 
wake him up when it's time to go home. Gosh, yes, there 
was another burglary last night — down to Wayup's grocery 
store. 

Editor. I heard about that. Did they get anything to 
speak of? 

Ketcham. No, Wayup had everything marked so high 
they couldn't take a thing. 

Editor. By the way, Chief, T thought you were going 
to enforce that ten o'clock closing law. Charlie Yee, the 



THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 9 

laundryman, had a light burning as late as midnight last 
night. What on earth do you suppose he could have been 
doing up so late? 

Ketcham. Shirts, most likely. 

Editor. Say, Chief, what did you do to Cutup, the tailor, 
for pinching that bushel basket from Wayup's store? 

Ketcham. Didn't do anything. There isn't any law 
against a tailor taking a man's measure, is there? (Pause.) 
Well, ju«st one more item and I'll jog along. It's about 
Mrs. McCarty's boy Mike. He is going to have a coming 
out party a week from Friday. 

Editor. Oh, yes! And how old is IMichael? 

Ketcham. Thirty-six. 

Editor. Thirty-six ! Isn't that pretty late for a com- 
ing out party? 

Ketcham. Late? I guess not. It's six months early. 
Mike got that much taken off for good behavior. 

Editor. Oh, I see. Mike has been taking a little vaca- 
tion at the expense of the State, eh? Has he got any plans 
for the future? 

Ketcham. Well, Mrs. McCarty says he has the plans 
of two postoffices and one bank. 

Pete enters R., grinning. 

Pete. There's a g-g-gentleman out h-h-here who w-w- 
wants to s-s-see you. 

Editor. Well, what's the matter with you anyhow, talk- 
ing that way? Send him in. 

Pete exits and immediately ushers in Simmons, R. 
Ketcham exits R. 

Simmons. I — i — is this the e-e-editor? 

Editor. It is, my friend. Sit down. 

Simmons. I've g-g-got a whole 1-1-lot of n-n-news for 
y-y-you. 

Editor. That's fine, I'm sure. Let's have it. 

Simmons. W-w-well, Bertie S-S-Saphed has g-g-got 
water on the knee. 

Editor. That's too bad. Serious, do they call it? 



10 THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 

Simmons. N-n-no, not for the d-d-dear boy, B-b-but his 
g-g-girl used to s-s-sit on his 1-1-lap, and now she c-c-can't, 
'cause it m-m-makes her s-s-sea-sick. 

Editor. Poor thing! Anything else on your mind, Mr. 
Simmons? 

Simmons. Yes. S-s-say, this s-s-sugar shortage don't 
b-b-bother me a b-b-bit. I've got o-o-over a hundred p-p- 
pounds of it at h-h-home. 

Editor. Great Scott ! Where on earth did you get it ? 

Simmons. I m-m-married it. D-d-did you know S-S-Sid 
Hopkins' girl was g-g-going to school in B-B-Boston? 

Editor. No. What school is she going to? 

SiMiMONS. Oh, she's g-g-going to get m-m-married, and 
she's t-t-taking a c-c-course in d-d-domestic silence. D-d-did 
vou know my w-w-wife presented me with t-t-twins last 
"M-M-Monday? 

Editor. Well, well, the good Lord smiled on you for 
fair, didn't he? 

Simmons. Smiled on m-m-me! I r-r-reckon he 1-1-laughed 
out 1-1-loud. S-s-say, I got a c-c-cinder in my eye coming 
on the t-t-train from Concord the other n-n-night. 

Editor. You ought to have seen Doctor Wise at once. 
Getting a cind'er out of your eye ought to be a cinch for the 
doctor. 

Simmons. I d-d-did go to D-D-Doctor Wise, b-b-but he 
didn't t-t-touch the c-c-cinder. He charged me t-t-two dol- 
lars, though, for r-r-removing a foreign s-s-substance from 
the c-c-cornea, he c-c-called it. I decided that instead of 
b-b-being an eye doctor, he was a s-s-skin specialist. S-s-say, 
did you know Z-Z-Zeb Higgins' dog bit a g-g-girl this m-m- 
morning? 

Editor. No, where did he bite her? 

Simmons. R-r-right on the m-m-main street. 

Editor. Was the dog mad ? 

Simmons. No, but the g-g-girl was. And s-s-say! 

Editor. Well ? 

Simmons. Henry W-W-Williams and his w-w-wife have 
g-g-got a little b-b-b — 

Editor {excitedly). Yes, yes! Goon! 



THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 11 

Simmons. A 1-1-little b-b-b — 

Editor. For heaven's sake, whistle it! 

Simmons. Why, they've g-g-gat a little b-b-b — a little 
b-b-b (zvJiistles) a little bit of a b-b-bull dog. 

Editor. Oh, rats! I thought you were going to give us 
some real news. Well, I'm greatly obliged to you for your 
visit, Mr. Simmons. By the way, I'm interested to know 
if you stutter like that all the time. 

Simmons. N-n-no, sir, only when I t-t-talk. 

Editor. Did you ever try to break yourself of it? 

Simmons. Oh, y-y-yes. I g-g-got so I could say 'Teter 

Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" first rate, b-b-but 

it's hard to w-w-work it into an o-o-ordinary conversation, 

you k-k-know. t^ ^ j~, 

■' Pete enters, R. 

Pete. Get into your cage, boss. Here comes a lady to 
sell you some poe-tree. (Simmons exits R.) 

Angelina enters R. presently. 

Pete (singing). "Like the last rose of summer left 
blooming alone, all its lovely complexion all faded and 
gone." (Exits as Angelina enters.) 

Angelina. Are you the editah ? I have some verses here, 
as yet incomplete, but which I feel suah I can have in time 
for this week's issue of your journal. (Editor tries to in- 
terrupt but Angelina keeps ahead, disregarding all efforts 
to stop her.) I'm suah you must have a poetic soul, Mistah 
Editah. You look as if you had responded to the Cosmic 
Urge. My poem is entitled, ''Spring's Call to Love," Mis- 
tah Editah. Pray listen. (Reads.) 

Ah, love of mine, fair spring has came ; 
The flow'rets peep from 'neath the snow ; 
The love birds mate and nature wakes ; 
Now old earth flames with ruddy glow. 
The woods are green, the ferns grow lush — 

Editor (interrupting) . If you want a good rhyme there, 
why don't you try "mush" ? 



12 THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 

Angelina (resuming). 

When love calls clear, why must we lag? 
That's as far as I got, Mistah Editah — 
Editor. That's quite far enough madam — 
Angelina. But it will take me but a short time, two 
hours at the most, to finish, if I could sit at one of your 
desks — 

Editor. I'm awfully sorry, but, you see, all of my desks 
are busy — that is, I've only got one desk, and — 

Angelina. And you will share that one with me, Mistah 
Editah? How uttahly kind of you, I'm suah. (Sits at Ed- 
itor's desk, regardless of his frowns. Bites end of pencil 
in deep thought, while Editor fidgets in despair.) 

Pete enters, R. 
Pete. Man to see you, boss. Dunno what he wants. 
Schwartz enters, R. 

Schwartz. I'fe got der schmall pox — (Pete gives a yell 
and dives off R., Editor hurries off L. Angelina, busy at 
desk, doesn't look up. Schwartz acts puzzled, finally ad- 
dresses Angelina). I say I'fe got der schmall pox — (An- 
gelina gives a shriek and rushes off R., grabbing her man- 
uscript as she goes. Schwartz puzzled.) Vas means 
das? I don't fershtay. (Waits a moment, undecided, and 
then exits slowly, R.) 

Editor enters cautiously, L., Pete at same time R. They 
see each other, dodge back, then re-enter and shozv relief at 
Schwartz' absence. 

Editor. Gee whizz, Pete, don't let that old geezer in here 
again. I don't know but you'd better go out and get vac- 
cinated, anyhow. 

Pete. Oh, that's all right. Maw says I'm too slow to 
catch anything. {Looking out R.) Gee, here comes another 
skirt. More poe-tree, I'll bet. (Opening door.) Come right 
in, lady, we're glad to see you, I'm sure. (Aside.) I don't 
think. (Hurries off R., dodging a paper weigJit the Editor 
throws after him.) 

Priscilla Nosey enters, R. 



THE HICKSVTLLE BUNGLER 13 

Priscilla. \Ye\\, ]\Ir. Editor, I noticed you wanted us to 
bring in news items, and I guess I can give you enough to 
keep you going for a while. In the first place, just as I was 
a-coming in, me policeman was arresting Henry Hawkins 
for breaking the traffic laws with his car. 

Editor. What, Hawkins speeding in that old wreck of 
a bus ! 

Priscilla. No, the Chief said the charge was obstruct- 
ing the highway. That man ought to be arrested, anyhow. 
It's perfectly ridiculous the way he talks. He admits swear- 
ing dreadfully in Doc Pullem's office the other day, and 
tried to lay it all on the doctor, too. He said the doctor put 
a dam in his mouth and he wasn't to blame. And say, Mr. 
Editor, Lizzie Hawkins was down to Boston the other day, 
and she says Silas Rounder has got an awful big office down 
there. He's got five typewriters. 

Editor. Five stenographers ! My, my, that's some force, 
sure. 

Priscilla. Yes, Lizzie says four of them have got some- 
thing on Silas, and the other one does all the work. (Gig- 
gling.) Did you hear about Liph Atwood's dispute with the 
telephone girl down to the beach ? 

Editor. No, I don't think I have heard about it. 

Priscplla. Well, Liph objected to a toll charge. Said 
it was too steep. Why, he says, up to my home town you 
could telephone to the infernal regions for that amount. 
^'es, says the girl, but you see this is a long distance call. 
And did anybody tell you about Hen Abbott's solo at the 
church Sunday night ? He sang ''Rocked in the Cradle of 
the Deep" so realistically that three of the audience got sea- 
sick. And did you hear about Hattie Bennett's little baby? 

Editor. No, what happened to it? 

Priscilla. Well, Hattie went to the Rebekahs the other 
iHght and left the baby with Zeke. He put it in the crib and 
gave it a bottle to play with, and it fell out and broke its 
neck. 

Editor. The poor child! 

Priscilla." Oh, no, the bottle. 

FiNKELSTEiN enters quietly, R. 



14 THE HICKSVILLE P.UNGLER 

Editor. Well, Miss Nosey, I must owe you quite a bit 
for your work as reporter. {Figuring.) Let's see, three and 
two are five, and four — five and four — (looking up and see- 
ing Finkelstein). How much are five and four? 

FiNKELSTEiN. Eleffuu, meester. 

Editor. Five and four are eleven — no, no, that isn't right. 
How much are four and five {impatiently) . 

Fink. Elefifun, meester. 

Editor. Of course not. Five and four are nine. 

Fink, (calmly). I knowed it, meester. 

Editor. Well, what on earth made you say eleven? 

Fink. Veil, I t'ought you vould peat me do.wn at least 
two. 

Editor (to Priscilla). Well, Miss Nosey, I guess we 
can extend your subscription for nine months, at least. Drop 
in again. (Priscilla exits R.) Now, Mr. Finkelstein, what^ 
can I do for you? 

Fink. I vant you should take it out my adfertisement 
from the paper. 

Editor. What's that for? 

Fink. Veil, I adfertised for a poy, and lookit, mine 
Rachel she gif me two last night — tervinns, you betcha. It 
pays to adfertise, yes? 

Editor. Twins? Well, well, congratulations, old boy. 

Fink. You vanted items for der paper. I vanted to tell 
you dot my leetle poy was gone to Boston to school. 

Editor. Is he? 

Fink. No, not Izzy. Ikey. Dot's der leetle peesness fel- 
ler for you, meester. Vy, der odder day, he vas a fight in 
mit Mike Clancy's poy Dennis, and Dennis vas lickin', and 
I hollers, "Run, Ikey, run !" chust like dot, and Ikey hollers, 
"I can't fadder, I'm standin' on a nickel!" 

Editor. Well, well, I'm glad to hear that Ikey is turning 
out so well. Anything more in the line of news, Mr. Fink- 
elstein ? 

Fink. Yes, I chust got pack dis morning from Mose 
Cohen's funeral. 

Editor. What! Is Mose Cohen dead? 



THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 15 

Fink. Sure, he is. You didn't t'ink we buried him ahfe, 
huh? 

Editor. I understand you took on pretty badly at Mose's 
funeral. I didn't know you were a relative. 

Fink. I vasn't. Dot's vy I cried. Mose left more as 
ninety t'ousand tollar. (Pause.) My brudder Jakey, he 
met mit a shock last veek. 

Editor. A shock? You mean apoplexy. 

Fink. Yes. He gets it his bill from der Peerless Garage. 

Editor. Well, Mr. Finkelstein, I find that I've got to do 
a lot of writing, and I've had so many callers this morning, 
I guess I'll have to go upstairs where it's quiet and finish 
up. Good morning and much obliged for your call. I'll, see 
that you get ample credit on our books. (Finkelstein 
exits R. Editor calls.) Pete! 

Pete enters, R. 

Editor. I'm going upstairs to do some writing and I don't 
want to be disturbed. If anybody wants to see me, tell 'em 
I'm busy. 

Pete. What if they say their business is important? 

Editor. Oh, just say, ''That's what they all say !" or some- 
thing like that. You hold the fort while I'm out, and re- 
member, I'm busy! (Editor takes paper and notes and ex- 
its, L. Pete takes seat at Editor^s desk, cocking his hat on 
one side, putting his feet on desk and acting generally as if 
he owned the place.) 

Editor's Wife enters R. 

Editor's Wife. Is the Editor in ? 

Pete. Well, he's not at liberty at present. 

Wife. So he's got into jail at last, has he? 

Pete. No, not exactly, but he's busy. 

Wife. Well, I want to see him. 

Pete. You can't. He's very busy, and can't be disturbed. 

Wife. But it's very important. I'm his wife. 

Pete. Oh, that's what they all say! 

Wife {angered). Oh, you wretched boy! Let me get 
hold of your ear and I'll teach you how to be impudent. 
{Reaches across desk for Pete^ zvho dodges.) 



16 THE HICKSVILLE BUNGL*ER 

Pete. Don't need anybody to teach me that. Maw says 
I'm impudent enough as it is. (Wife dashes for him, Pete 
retreats, she pursuing him. Pete exits L., slamming door in 
her face. Wife hesitates, very angry.) 

Wife. Pll come back later, and we'll see whether I can't 
see my own husband without being insulted. {Finally exits, 
R.) 

Pete presently enters, L., cautiously, finds Wife gone, re- 
sumes his seat at desk. Knock on door R. and Angelina 
enters. 

Angelina. Oh, has the editah gone home? I have fin- 
isheil my poem and want to read it to him complete. And 
that horrid man with the small pox has gone, too, hasn't he ? 

Pete. Yes, the boss stepped out for just a minute, but he 
would like to have you wait for him, I'm sure. Sit down, 
ma'am. ( Pete gives Iter his seat at desk and Angelina com- 
mences reading her poem to herself. Pete exits quietly, R., 
winking aside as he leaves.) 

Editor enters L. presently, grabs copy paper from desk 
and tries to escape. Angelina fiabs him. 

Editor. Heavens, Agnes, again ! 

Angelina. Oh, Mistah Editah, I have my poem com- 
plete now, and Pm going to read it entire. I consider it my 
masterpiece. (Editor tries to escape, but Angelina stands 
in the doonvay, blocking him, and Editor has to listen. 
Angelina proceeds to re-read poem. Editor grozus more 
fidgety.) 

Pete heard off stage, R.. singing ''Scotland's Burning." 
When lie comes to the words, ''Fire, fire, fire, fire," he enters, 
R. Angelina shrieks and falls in a faint. 

Editor. Gosh, Pete, you've done it now. all right. Run 
for some water, quick. (Pete hustles off R.) 

Wife enters R. and grasps the tableau at a glance. 

Wife. Oh, you villain ! You ivrcfch ! ! Ynu mojistcr! ! ! 
Editor. Just a minute, my dear, and I will explain. 
Wife. Explain ! Explain ! You don't need to, thank you. 



THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 17 

So this is what you were busy with, is it? (Editor lets An- 
gelina's head fall hack on the floor.) 

Pete enters with pail of zvater and whisk broom. Sprin- 
kles water on Angelina's face and she revives. She reaches 
for her manuscript and resumes reading. 

Angelina {reading). *'Oh, love of mine, oh heart so true, 
I love, I love, I love but you — " 

Editor. For heaven's sake, cut out that mush ! You've 
made trouble enough here with your darned poetry for one 
morning. 

Angelina. I don't quite understand. 

Wife. Well, I do, quite nicely, I assure you. 

Schwartz enters unobserved, R. 

Schwartz. I'fe got der schmall pox — 

(Wife stands her ground, Angelina shrieks and rushes 
off R., Pete hurries off L.) 

Editor {roars). I don't care if you've got the yellow fe- 
ver. I don't want it! Get out! 

Schwartz. Ya. Pooty queek. But Pfe got der schmall 
pox from — 

Editor. What do you suppose I care who you caught it 
from. I don't want it. 

Schwartz [puzdcd). But it's for you. 

Editor. Not if I know it, it ain't. 

Schwartz. But it's got your name on it. 

Editor. Got my name on it ! \\niat on earth do you mean ? 

Schwartz. Vy, I t'ought you knew. Pfe got der schmall 
pox from der oxpress office, mit your name on it. Pfe got it 
out der hall-way py, alreatty yet. 

Editor {relieved). Oh, good Lord! Well, bring it in. 
(Schwartz exits R.) 

Wife. Well, what have you got to say for yourself and 
that female that just left? 

Editor. Oh, she's just a poetess — or thinks she is. She 
blew in here to read a poem. Pete got to singing and she 
thought the building was afire and threw a fit on the floor. 
We couldn't let her die in here, naturally, so we were try- 
ing to bring her to when you came in. 



18 THE HICKSVILLE BUNGLER 

Wife. Oh, I sec ! 

Schwartz re-enters with box. 

Editor. And here's the "small pox." It's for your birth- 
day tomorrow, but so long as you landed here the same time 
as the box, I might as well tell you. It's the vacuum cleaner 
you've been wanting so long. Now is everything all right? 
If so, let's go get some dinner. Here, Dutchy. ( Gives 
Schwartz cigars.) Smoke up on me. All right, Pete. 
Guess you can lock up any time now. I'll put in the after- 
noon upstairs, and we hope we won't have any poetry or 
small pox in ours after dinner. (Editor and Wife e.vit, R., 
foUozvcd by Pete and Schwartz). 

Schwartz (grinning). Veil, I guess it's a sick vind vot 
don't plow somebotty pretty good, ain't it? 

Curtain. 



Safety First 



By SHELDON PARMER 

Price, 35 Cents 

Farce-comedy, in 3 acts; 5 males, 5 females. Time, 2^4 hours. 
Scenes: A parlor and a garden, easily arranged. A sprightly 
farce full of action and with a unique plot teeming with unex- 
pected turns and twists that will make the audience wonder "what 
on earth is coming next." Behind the fun and movement lurks 
a great moral: Always tell the truth to your wife. The cast 
includes three young men, a funny policeman, a terrible Turk, 
two young ladies, a society matron, a Turkish maiden and Mary 
O'Finnigan, the Irish cook. The antics of the terror-stricken 
husband, the policeman, the dude and the Irish cook start the 
audience smiling at 8:15 and send them home with aching sides 
from the tornado of fun at 10:40. Suitable for performance any- 
where, but recommended for lodges, clubs and schools. Not a 
coarse or suggestive line in the play. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Jack's lil suburban home. A misplaced husband. "He 
kissed me good-bye at eighteen minutes after seven last night, 
and I haven't laid eyes on him since." The Irish maid is full 
of sympathy but she imagines a crime has been committed. 
Elmer, the college boy, drops in. And the terrible Turk drops 
out. "Sure -the boss has eloped wid a Tvirkey!" Jerry and Jack 
come home after a horrible night. Explanations. "We joined the 
Shriners, I'm the Exalted Imported Woggle and Jack is the Ba- 
zook!" A detective on the trail. Warrants for John Doe, Richard 
Roe and Mary Moe. "We're on our way to Florida!" 

Act II. — A month later. Jack and .Jerry reported drowned at 
sea. The Terrible Turk looking for Zuleika. The return of the 
prodigals. Ghosts! Some tall explanations are in order. "I never 
was drowned in all my life, was I, Jerry?" "We were lashed to 
a mast and we floated and floated and floated!" A couple of 
heroes. The Terrible Turk hunting for Jack and Jerry. "A Turk 
never injures an insane man." Jack feigns insanity. "We are 
leaving this roof forever!" The end of a perfect day. 

Act III. — Mrs. Bridger's garden. Elmer and Zuleika ctart on 
their honeymoon. Mabel forgives Jack^ but her mamma does not. 
They decide to elope. Jerry's scheme works. The two McNutts. 
"Me middle name is George Washington, and I cannot tell a 
lie." The detective falls in the well. "It's his ghost!" Jack and 
Jerry preparing for the elopement. Mary Ann appears at the 
top bf the ladder. A slight mistake. "It's a burglar, mum, I've 
got him!" The Terrible Turk finds his Zuleika. Happiness at last. 

Foiled, By Eeck! 

By FREDERICK G. JOHNSON 

Price, 25 Cents 

A truly rural drama, in 1 scene and several dastardly acta; 
3 males, 3 females. Time, 35 minutes. Scene: The mortgaged 
home of the homespun drama, between sunup and sundown. 
Characters: Reuben, a nearly self-made man. His wife, who 
did the rest. Their perfectly lovely daughter. Clarence, a rustic 
hero, by ginger! Olivia, the plaything of fate, poor girl. Syl- 
v'ester, with a viper's heart. Curses! Curses! Already he has 
the papers. A screaming travesty on the old-time "b'gosh" drama. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



An Old Fashioned Mother 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 
Price, 25 Cents 
The dramatic parable of a mother's love. In 8 acts; 6 males, 
6 females, also the village choir or quartet and a group of silent 
villagers. Time. 214 hours. One scene: A sitting room. A play 
of righteousness as pure as a mother's kiss, but with a moraj 
that will be felt by all. Contains plent.v of good, wholesome 
comedy and dramatic scenes that will interest any audience. 
Male Characters: The county sheriff; an old hypocrite; the selfish 
elder son; the prodigal younger son; a tramp and a comical coun- 
try boy. Female Characters: The mother (one of the greatest 
sympathetic roles ever written for amateurs); the village belle; 
the sentimental old maid; the good-hearted hired girl; a village 
gossip and a little girl of nine. Especially suited for church, 
Sunday school, lodge or school performance. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act. I. — The Good Samaritan. Aunt Debby's farmhouse in late 
March. The Widder rehearses tlie village choir. Sukey in trouble 
with the old gray tabby cat. "She scratched me. I was puttin' 
flour on her face for powder, jest like you do!" Lowisy Custard 
reads her original poetry and .Jerry Gosling drops in to see if 
tliere are to be anj' refreshments. "That's jest what maw says!" 
Lowisy and Jonah pass the fainting tramp by the wayside and 
Deborah rebukes them with the parable of the Good Samaritan. 
The tramp's story of downfall due to drink. "A poor piece of 
driftwood blown hither and thither by the rough winds of ad- 
versity." John, Deborah's youngest son. profits by the tramp's 
experience. *'From this moment no drop of liquor shall ever pass 
my lips." John arrested. "I am innocent, and when a man can 
face his God, he needn't be afraid to face the law!" 

Act II. — A Mother's Love. Same scene but three years later, 
a winter afternoon. "Colder'n blue and purple blazes and snowln' 
like si.\ty." Jerry's engagement ring. "Is it a di'mond? Ef it 
ain't I'm skun out of two shillin'." "I been sparkin' her fer 
nigh onto four years, Huldy Sourapple, big fat gal, lives over 
at Hookworm Crick." Deborah longs for news from John, th» 
boy who was taken away. The Widder gossips. "I never seen 
sich a womern!" "You'd think she was a queen livin' in New 
York at the Walled-off Castoria." Lowisy is disappointed in 
Brother Guggs and decides to set her cap for Jonah. Deborah 
mortgages the old home for Charley and Isabel. The sleighing 
party. "Where is my wandering boy tonight?" The face at the 
window. Enoch and John. "I've been weak and foolish, a thing 
of scorn, laughed at, mocked at, an ex-convict with the shadow 
of the prison ever before me, but all that is passed. From now 
on, with the help of God, I am going to be a man!" 

Act III. — The Prodigal Son. Two years later. Deborah bids 
farewell to the old home before she goes over the hills to the 
poorhouse. "The little home where I've lived since John brought 
me home as a bride." The bitterest cup — a pauper. "It ain't 
right, it ain't fair." Gloriana and the baby. "There ain't nothin' 
left fer me, nothin' but the poorhouse." The slieriff comes to take 
Aunt Del) over the hills. "Your boy ain't dead. He's come back 
to you, rich and respected. He's here!" The return of the prod- 
igal son. Jerry gets excited and yeUs. "Glory Hallelujah!" The 
Joy and happiness of Deborah. "Honor thy father and thy 
mother that tliy days may be long In the land." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Laree Catalogue Free 



FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc 
Price 25 Cents Each 

M. F. 

All on a Summer's Day, 40 rain. 4 6 
Aunt Harriet's Night Out, 35 

min 1 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 11 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 30 min... 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble. 20 min.... 3 5 
Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Class Ship, 35 min 3 8 

Divided Attentions, 35 min... 1 4 

Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 

Getting Rid of Father, 20 min. 3 1 

Goose Creek Line, 1 hr 3 10 

Great Pumpkin Case, 35 min.. 12 

Hans \on Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

Honest Peggy, 25 min 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Just Like a Woman, 35 min... 3 3 

Last Rehearsal, 25 min 2 3 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min.... 8 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 

Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Paper Wedding, 30 min 1 5 

Pat's Matrimonial Venture, 25 

min 1 2 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 

Sewing for the Heathen, 40 

min 9 

Shadows, 35 min 3 4 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 
Teacher Kin I Go Home, 35 

min 7 3 

Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min. . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted: a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 
Watch, a Wallet, and a Jack of 

Spades, 40 min 3 6 

Whole Truth. 40 min 5 4 

Who's the Boss? 30 min . . 3 6 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

FARCES. COMEDIETAS, Etc 
Price 15 Cents Eacli 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 15 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 
Before the Play Begins, 15 

min 2 1 

Billy's Mishaps, 20 min 2 3 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 25 m. 3 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 



Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 

Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Lottie Sees It Through, 35 min. 3 4 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Please Pass the Cream, 20 min. 1 1 

Second Childhood, 15 min.... 2 2 

Smith's Unluckv Day, 20 min.. 1 1 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix. 15 m. 2 

Wanted: A Hero, 20 min 1 1 

VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES 
Price 25 Cents Eacii 

Amateur, 15 min 1 1 

At Harmony Junction, 20 min. 4 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

It Might Happen, 20 min 1 1 

Little Miss Enemy, 15 min.... 1 1 
Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 
Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Curl's Moder, 10m. 1 
Quick Lunch Cabaret, 20 min.. 4 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Street Faker, 15 min 3 

Such Ignorance, 15 min. ....... 2 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 
Vait a Minute 2 

BLACK-FACE PLAYS 
Price 15 Cents Eacii 

Axin' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 

min 10 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 
Coon Creek Courtship, 15 m... 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 
Darktown Fire Brigade, 25m.. 10 
Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min.. 9 

Hungry, 15 min 2 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 

Memphis Mose, 25 min 5 

Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 

Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
What Happened to Hannah, 15 

min 1 



A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found liere are listed In 

Denison's Catalogue 



T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Publishers,154W. Randolph St.. Chicaeo 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESE 



POPULAR 



ENTERTAINMI 

Illustrated Paper. Coven 





IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
cleai print anU 
each b«ok has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 
A Partial List 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fiue lOr older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clevei ; lor young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Country School Dialogues. 

Brand new, (ui-huil 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country- school^. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen ^election?. 
Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 00,1 0(1 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teensr. 

Dialogues aiu! recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's P»ays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. < 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice pro'^e an<l jioetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pu])ils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, Inmiorous. ori:,inal. 



.. , 017 199 348 

Monologue- . , -^-rw 

Dramatic and humorous. 
Scrap- Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 15 Nos. 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

\"ery popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 1 1 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Christmas Entertainer. 

Novel and diversified. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, ilialogucs. drills. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a hook. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy jiieces to s]K'ak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New jiarlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to ])repare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

The Black-Face Joker. 

Min-trcls' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump s])eeches, etc. 
Laughland,via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, j<')kes. gags, etc. 

Larse Illustrated Catalogue Free 



T.S.DENISON& COMPANY, Publishers,154 W.Randolph St., Chicago 



